Are we all perhaps linked by invisible bonds? Do the actions of one affect others, even if those others are far away? Our lives and the universe itself may be all part of a single mechanism in which all creatures and events are 'entangled' with one another.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Stressful Time

I'm feeling streessed out at the moment. The two guys who own the building I live in were here last Saturday to do some repair work on the front of the house. Turns out it's going to be a bigger job than they thought. They say they may have to completely re-do the front of the building. Also they said they'd like to do some interior work as well if they have to do the outside. The problem for me is I'd have to move out for at least 3 weeks while the work is being done. They did say they'd put me up in a hotel if necessary, which is nice, I guess.

The thing is I feel very uncomfortable when I'm not at home--my apartment is my "fortress of solitude" (Superman reference) and about the only place I feel safe and content. As I've mentioned here before, I spend most of my time at home. And maybe I'm being paranoid, but I suspect they would like for me to move out entirely so they could re-rent the place, after the work is done, at a higher rate than what I'm paying. There are apartments similiar in size here that rent for $100-125 more than my current rent. I wouldn't even mind so much if they raised my rent, even though I can't afford a lot more.

I've already called about a couple apartments up for rent, but haven't heard back from the owners yet (I want to be prepared just in case I do have to move). I'm probably freaking out for nothing but I like to be prepared for things rather than be surprised. Yeah, I know I'm insecure and usually over-think things but that's just how I am.

Moving would be a real hassle for me because I don't own a car and also have a lot of books and stuff that would have to be packed. I'd have to rent a truck and call a friend to drive it for me. Even if I only have to move out for a few weeks, it will still be stressful because I'll be away from my computer (its a little too big to take to a hotel), and all my other "security blankets"--like my books. It might actually do me good to get away from my safe little "fortress" but it still won't be all that pleasant for me.

To make matters worse, its been raining here all week and is expected to continue cool and wet right through this coming weekend. And all this gray dampness has a depressing effect on me after awhile. I keep telling myself--only 12 more years until I can retire and move to some warm peaceful place, though where that might be I'm not sure yet. Any suggestions, anyone?

Its times like this when I most miss not having a boyfriend to calm me down and maybe give me a hug to make me feel safe.

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