Damn Blogger!! It wouldn't post my whole piece so I had to split it into two--here's the rest...
Right now I'm seriously considering just packing a few clothes and leaving town for a few days --maybe go to New York City (its only 150 miles away by train) although I'm not sure what I'd do after I got there. I just feel the need to GO somewhere or DO something! I could use the money I was going to rent the apartment with since I don't think I'll be able to take the apt. anyway. How can I? If I have no way to move all my crap? I can't afford to hire movers, so that's out.
I think I might be going through a mid-life crisis even though I always laughed at others who said stuff like that...the last couple of months I've been reflecting on what a lousy life I've had up to now. I need to make changes and I was hoping a new apartment would be a good start . I've never have had a boyfriend and spend most of my time alone and only now it seems like I'm waking up to the fact that I'm really lonely and don't want to spend the rest of my life like this!
All the emotions I've kept bottled up for so many years seem to be coming out right now--I've cried more in the past couple of months than all the previous years of my life, I think. I won't even watch the news because there are too many sad stories on it. At least having this blog has allowed me to express myself a little.
I know this is getting a bit long but I had a lot I had to get out. I still don't know what to do about the apartment I have to look at later today. If I take it I have no way to move and if I don't take it I'm going to feel trapped where I am. Maybe it will be a really crappy place and I won't want it! That's my only hope-- Obi-wan! (See I haven't lost my sense of humor at least)
Thanks to those of you who took the time to read this long rant. I guess I'll just have to figure this all out on my own.