Are we all perhaps linked by invisible bonds? Do the actions of one affect others, even if those others are far away? Our lives and the universe itself may be all part of a single mechanism in which all creatures and events are 'entangled' with one another.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

The Darkness

Been in a dark mood for the last few days, that being the reason I haven't posted anything here.

One of those times when I question my life and try to figure out what I want to do with it. Lately I've been bored, restless and frustrated with pretty much everything. I'm sick of my job and my personal life (or lack thereof) and would like to change everything but don't know how or even exactly what it is I want to do. The thought occurs to me often of just packing a bag or two and just leaving town for who knows where to do who knows what. If I owned a car, I very likely might have tossed whatever I could into it and driven off into the distance. Just to get away somewhere different and see things other than the same boring sights I've seen every day for the past 30 years or more. Unfortunately, I don't have a means of transportation and certainly not enough money to just take off on a unplanned trip with no clear destination in mind.
Now to explain this restless frustration I'm feeling, it's because I have been doing the same kind of work for over 30 years, (food service), have never really traveled outside the city of Albany except for a few brief trips, the last being to New York City for a day back in June (first time in over 20 years I have been there), and a total lack of anything resembling a social life. Now I know that it's my own fault for not having done more with my life, but that doesn't make it any less annoying or frustrating. I tell myself I've only got about 12 more years until I can retire and maybe then I can take off and travel and find somewhere I might like more than where I am now. I still won't have much money, just Social Security and a small pension, neither of which will amount to much But at least I won't have to work and I could probably hop from place to place just to see more of the country.

Well there's a lot more I could complain about concerning my pathetic life, but I don't want to bore anyone to death so I'll shut up (for now) and go back to my same old routine. But who knows?...maybe one of these days I will just take off and do something crazy...

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